K, aku nantok gile. Wanted to try to finish my homework but I couldn't. Tried blasting music to boost up my energy, cold shower in the middle of the night, coffee, ciggie, nah, failed. For the past few schooldays, I've been tucking in bed at 10PM. Wah, so early. Never in my life had I slept at 10 on a schoolday. K bedek. Penah uh, bile zaman primary schoo. =.=' K gile. Wonder what's Nik doing right now. He's staying up as well, to finish his don't know what report. Rajin nye mataer aku. =.=' Heh. Hahaha. Sleeeeeeeeeeeepppppyyy siyol. Pfft. School's been sucha sore since the first day of school. Dang, so many assignments. And classes ! Heh, skipped classes for the past 2 days and received a nagging/lecture from Mdm Chng. Hahaha. Mummy must write letter. Boohoo, at least I din loiter at other places. Went home straight after school to change then went out again. So, for the past days/evenings, been spending it with Aa, Diyan, Azim and Sue. Been catching up on old times we had. Wah, I feel so old. Kite nye zaman sec2 sampai sec4 gayrek siyol. I fcuking miss those times ! :'( I'm 17 liao. So fasttttttttttt. Ugh. Next year, poly insyallah. And Uni, woohoo, at States, insyallah. Kalau bapak aku maseh belom bankrupt ! Heh, touchwood siyol. Merana aku nanti. Hehe.
And hey you, he's mine liao la. =.=' Not that I dun allow you guys to be friends uh. But hellooooooooooo, later we'll fight cos of you leh. :( But I pity you la. K la k la, kasi korg kawan la. Tsk. Jangan kasi aku jealous, saket hati sua. Ishk. Irrits. Nik Muhammad Amirul Hakim, know your limits ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh(: I love you more, like always. (: <3

Kau nak maen game gini, sumpah sala org uh dok. Kau piker aku superwoman pe, kau nak buat aku gini mcm? Hello, aku pon manusia. Aku ade perasaan. Kau piker aku batu, patung, tembok pe sia? Fcuk, if you don't wanna continue, tell me straight to the fcuking face. Don't have to do to me like this. Aku dah tgh bnyk problems, skrg kau menambahkan. Aper gune nye kalau ade mataer kalau kau bersikap gini mcm? Kalau kau nak step single, solo, blg aku sua uh. Jadi aku takya mcm budak bodoh, tungu kau text, call, bbl nan aku bile lepak. Senangsenang, aku takya turon lagi. Aku pon ade perasaan kay. Aku dah cuba nak faham situation kau, tapi pernah tak kau cuba nak faham perasaan aku? Nan cara kau gini macam? Kau peh prangai, aku dah cukop tahan uhkay. Prangai budak kecik kau tu. Eh but please, hal gini mcm? Sial uh, aku nanges, saket hati, kau ade kesa? Aku peh decision tadi, kau ade kesa? Aku ni sape sak kat hidop kau? Kawan kau pe? TTM kau? Yg kau boleh luper bilebile mase? Bey aper gunenye mataer kalau gini? Lebih baek kau lepaskan aku kan? Eventhough kau buat aku gini mcm pon eh, sial la, aku tetap syg kan kau lah pukimak. Kau step zero pon aku telan. And oh, nak tipu agak-agak bro. Aku jejak dunia ni dulu uh. Aku dah maen sumer tactics ni sumer. Aku tak faham kau. Sumpah, aku tak faham. If you think this way is better, so be it. Goodnight, Iloveyou Nik. Buto sama anda.

It's been a month since we officially got together, && two months and 12 days since we contacted. I'm sorry for all the trouble that I caused you and the times that I made you suffered. I'm really sorry, Boo. Yeah, I was paranoid-irritating-annoying-insecure at times. But hey, you know how badly was my previous relationship, no? I don't wanna suffer another heartbreak. But baby, I hope you really realise that I'm hurting and suffering now. It's too damn sad to see that things aren't like before. I can't do this alone, baby. I need your help and support. Or do you intend to fight for it only when I'm gone? Haish.. I'm still fighting for it. Trying to get you back to your oldself. And how we used to be. I'm just worried and afraid that I'd have a breakdown once I can no longer take it. Prove to others that I've made the right decision in giving you the chance back then. I was still hurting and haunted by my past. But I gave you the chance to help me to move on. Soooooooooo please ler, appreciate it ler b. =.=' You were there when I was at my lowest, trying to move on. Each time when I was feeling down, you would irritate me till I shout in your face, and laugh. Hahaha, you never fail to make me laugh. Rewind those times back, please? And each time I read back our old text messages and wall post on Facebook, it always lift that frown off my face. I'd smile. But it's hurting though, knowing that things now aren't longer the same. We're together, but I realise that I'm all alone. You're no longer here to comfort me when I'm down or crying. Your words, actions, hurt alot. Have I done something wrong, baby? Gimme a hint, please? Don't do this to me, please. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss those sweet times we had. Why have things changed, baby? Iloveyoutothefcukingmax. Let's start afresh? (: I miss you babyboo. I hope you're looking forward to today, our first monthsary. See you tomorrow babyboo(: Iloveyousomuch, Nik Muhammad Amirul Hakim. ♥ (:

P.S: -/ I posted this at 22June2011, 12:00AM, on the dot(:

Was supposed to meet Hilmi at Eunos at 1, but haha, I was still in bed. His text message woke me up. Ughhhhh~ So, met him at around 3 then headed to Granny's house. Stayed till 6plus then went off to meet the others. Since Diyan couldnt come down, I was stucked with the guys-Azim, Hatta, Khai, Afad, Fadil and Zulafandi. They played takraw. Hahaha, sucha joke watching them. Headed home at around 8.20PM. Woohoo, must try to sleep early today as going to Indon tomorrow ! Finally, besok hari aku tak boring sgt. Hilmi joining as well ! Yay ! Confirm besstttttttttt. Nak shopping jom ! Dad bought a new car. Again. -.-" Duit tu kau kasi aku lagi bagos. Argh, mcm sial. Bile aku mintak, kau bising. Lahanat tol. Tsk. Sooooooo as I was saying, 15 more minutes to midnight ! Woohooooo. I hope things'll get better once he returns. Hope to meet him on Thursday itself, once he returns. I'm sooooo gonna come down to Pasir Ris once I reached Singapore. Kalau sempat, balek dulu la. Hehehe ! (: Okay dah bye, nak kire sampai kul 12. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(:

Had 2 hours of sleep yesterday and met Babyboo in the morning, before he went off. Din happen as what I had expected to be. It's okay, at least I got to see him before he left. I'm so gonna miss him, I know that. Life won't be the same. The whole of last week was a torture. Arguments, fights, every single day. We drifted apart. And now, he's away. Tomorrow's our first monthsary. He'll still be in Bintan, and I'll be at Batam for a night. Both of us are returning on Thurs. I wanna meet him badly on Thursday, regardless of the time. But I'm just worried that he's unable to.. After sending off Babyboo and Izzat, had breakfast with Farah. Slacked with her till 10plus. Fifi joined us too. Had my nap, once I reached home. Now that Baby's away, I AM SO GONNA SWITCH OFF MY PHONE WHEN IM ASLEEP. Ugh, satusatu call. Tido, bangon alek, tido, bangon alek. Bile nak game? Tsk. At around 3plus, gave up and got ready. Had my late lunch, and went to Pasir Ris. Slacked with Fifi, Afandi, Azim, Diyan, Hatta, Narash. Zai went home. We all headed to Central at around 7plus, as I wanted to get my contact lens. Narash, Afandi and Fifi went home. And Afad came later on. We slacked at the blocks opposite Central. I was missing you badly, babyboo. How I wished you were there. Like we always did. :(  | We headed back to Whitesands at around 8.20PM. Bumped into Baijan. Tsktsk, sedektu. Ishk. It's been a long time since I last saw him. It was like, a year or two ago? Lol. I asked Daddy for my Nokia X5 back. Guess what. he no longer has it. Great ! Now, it's only 6 months old and I only used it for 3 months before using Iphone 4. Ughhhh, Daddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~ I want Nokia E75 la ! Cool shit sia the phone. Daddy's other phone is that one. Ugh, ade 2 phones bey tanak kasi aku satu uh? Tsk. All I hope for is, Starhub would call me ASAP and allow me to pay by installments. Ughhhhhhhhhh, I'm so gonna learn my lesson ! -________________-
Each time my phone rings, I thought you'd just texted. But wait, how could I forgot that you din even bring your phone. I read back through those facebook wall posts and comments between us. It's cute, yes. But it's too sad and hurting to realise that everything's no longer the same now. :'(  Why am I all alone now? Why arent you here when I need you? Where's your promise? -Jajaisherewhenjojoneedshim? Why am I facing all these alone? Why am I here crying, stressing over our relationship, but you're there, not giving me support? Why can't you be like always, when you were there for me? When you pampered me? Why now then you show your attitude? Why? What mistake have I done? Is it wrong for me to tell you how I feel? Are you gonna let me suffer silently? Why must I be the one texting first? Why must I look for you first? Why must I? If you could tolerate me for a month before getting me, why can't you now that you've gotten me? Do you even love me baby? If you do, how could you just stay quiet, knowing how hurtful I was? Where were your words of concern? Care? Comfort? Am I even forcing you to stay? What wrong have I done? Why must it always be like this? Come on, prangai aku skrg tak serabak dulu. Jawa berbeza uh prangai aku terhadap kau nan prangai aku terhadap matin. I cursed him, treated him faaaaaaaaaar worser than I'm treating you now. Ask him if you dont believe me. I made him cry infront of me, everytime. Ask him. I gave you a chance. Why can't you appreciate it? If you think it's not worthy of, then why dont you just let go of me? I don't intend to let go. Really. I don't wanna accept the truth or the reality. I dont wanna start talking about this even. I just fcuking love you.

I really don't know what to do. I don't wanna break. I don't wanna lose you. So, should I just wait? But till when? Why should I let myself suffer again now? I suffered toooooo damn fcuking much with Matin. And when you've proved me wrong about guys, you're hurting me also? Din I give you a chance back then? If you had intended to treat me like now, why din you just leave me alone when I wanted to get over Matin? Among Ian, you and Zul, I chose you. Cos you did you much for me and I could feel your love. And I thought you were the right guy for me to fall in love. But little did I had expected this to happen. I know you suffered one fcuking month bfore getting me. But if you really love me, you would have tolerated everything, no? Isnt it what I'm doing right now? I tolerated all your bullshits. I din tell you. I cried every fcuking day, knowing that things wont be the same like before. How helpess I am. How stressful and depressed for me to think of something to solve all these and to save our relationship. I just pretended nothing happened, cos I know it'll get worser if I were to open my mouth and pour everything out. What more do you want, baby? Isn't my love for you enough? Aren't all these sacrifices enough? Din you notice that I'm doing all these for you? My handphone bill, my family, friends?  My mother forbade me to go out but I still did, only to meet you. I din celebrate Fathers' Day with my my dad and broke his heart, for you. My friends adviced me to let go, but I din wanna. Must we really end it? No, please. Pleasae change, and say no. Prove all of them wrong. Prove me that I've made the right decision. Please. I love you. And I never ever wanna lose you. Can't you realise that I put everything before you? Don't you feel important, special? What's the talk for if you're unwilling to take any action and to salvage our relationship. I really really can't suffer another heartbreak, nik. I'll go insane. Enough of all those sufferings when I was with Matin. I can't take this anymore. I felt like giving up. On the brink of it. But I wonder what life would be without you? Do you still love me? Ask yourself. If you still do, why are you treating me like this. I love you very much baby. How can I ever make you realise that you're hurting me? Don't you feel anything? Aren't you gonna miss me when you're away? Why? Why have things change? Why can't it be like last time? Why? What went wrong, baby? Aren't you gonna give a last chance for us to start all over again? Please baby. Gimme a hint or two. I don't wanna fail again. I don't wish the same old thing to repeat itself again. Please. I can't suffer another heartbreak. I really can't. I just love you. :')

Din get to meet Babyboo justnow. Ugh, don't talk about it. I felt so fcuking useless. Sucha useless girlfriend who failed to be there for him. Nabeh la. Won't be meeting him tomorrow, so I guess I'll just stay at home. Sunday's Fathers' Day, and I don't even know if I'll get to meet him. Maybe, Daddy's gonna bring me and all out. Haiyaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~ And Monday, I'll be going already. He too. I'll be away for a week plus sia ! Fcuka. Wednesday's our first bloody monthsary and we won't be able to celebrate it. Best uh b. =.=' Despite all these millions fights, and fading away of feelings, I still love you veryveryvery fcuking much. Din Seri told you that I'm faithful, bloody hell one of a kind? -.- I hated Aki but in the end? He went into Boys Home but still, I waited righttttttttt. 11 months sia. Sooooo, please fcuking trust me and love me moreeeeeeee, bitch ! :P
Hahaha ! Sooooooo, for the past few days, been slacking with Hatta, Diyan, Khai, Azim and Afad. Reminiscing on those old times that we had together. Slacking with the old peeps are still the best !(: And yay, November ade chaleeeeeeetttttttttt. Can't wait ! Nak minooooooooom. Ahlurmak, must pujok Nik liao. I have 5 months to pujok him. -_____- Iloveyou lah baby. heh. Nowwww, waiting for his callll. AND OH, my bill  this month- Best gile. $1239.56
MAMPOS. Never ever gonna tell Daddy. Nak muker aku pecah? Chey, takla. He'll just fcuking nagnagnag at me. And when fathers nag, you won't be able to tolerate. Trust me. Lol. Mummy's asking me to use prepaid back. Banyak cantek muker diye? =.=' AND WTF, I've gotta survive with $750 per month now. Boleh mati sia aku. Tskkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. K babi.
Nik oh nik, bile kau nak call aku ni? Asal lah kau masuk dlm hidop aku? Asal la aku sayang kan kau gile babs? Tsk. Iloveyoubabybooooooooo. Muchmuchmuchmuchmore than you do ! (:

God, help me stay strong. I really dun wanna lose him. :'(

You dun even know how am i suffering now. I dun noe what you want from me. Am i a toy? Did you even treat your ex like this? What more do you want from me baby? You wanted me. You've got me. You wanted me to tolerate you. You've got that. You wanted me to love you, you've got that all. Ape lagi you nak, sayang?